Marissa Lauren

Hey there, amazing mom. If you’ve ever scrolled through Instagram, seeing those spotless homes, gourmet kid lunches, and seemingly effortless family outings, only to feel like a total failure in comparison—welcome to the club.

But here’s the truth: That “perfect mom” image? It’s a myth. And chasing it is exhausting us. In this first mindset shift of our series, we’re moving from perfectionism to progress. We’ll explore why letting go of “perfect” can free you up to celebrate real growth, reduce stress, and actually enjoy motherhood more.

If you missed the intro post, catch up here—we’re building on that stewardship journey together. Let’s get into it.

The Perfectionism Trap: Why It Hits Moms Hard

As moms, we’re wired to want the best for our kids, but society amps that up to impossible levels. Think about it: We’re expected to juggle flawless parenting, a tidy home, healthy meals, and maybe a career or side hustle—all while looking put-together. No wonder perfectionism leads to burnout.

Research shows that 57% of parents report burnout, and it’s strongly associated with internal pressures like perfectionism [Source: American Psychological Association, 2021]. For moms specifically, studies link “negative perfectionism” (that harsh self-criticism when things aren’t ideal) to higher burnout rates, while a more positive, progress-focused approach protects against it [Source: Journal of Family Psychology, 2019]. It’s not just tiring—it’s unsustainable.

But the good news? Shifting your mindset can change everything. This trap sneaks up on us because motherhood activates our deepest instincts. We intuitively know our kids’ needs, as we talked about in the intro with those baby cries. But when we layer on “perfect” expectations, we lose sight of what’s truly important: connection and growth, not flawless execution.

My Story: When Perfection Almost Broke Me

Let me pull back the curtain on my own mess. It wasn’t one big breakdown—it was a steady cycle of little glimpseswhere I realized my struggle for perfection and performance was spiraling out of control. After Alyssa and Jessica were born (remember my multiplied love story from last week?), I dove headfirst into “perfect mom” mode.

I had my own goats, chickens, and horses. I grew my own food and fed my kids all organic everything. A friend supplied local grass-fed beef. I homeschooled them, and I even made a lot of their clothes with organic cotton, of course. I did everything to provide the most non-toxic, healthy life possible.

One time, this obsession hit a breaking point. I was making chili—not just for my family, but a huge batch to share, in this massive 25-quart pot. It was all organic, naturally. But I ran out of tomatoes from my garden that I’d canned, and the chili turned out way too spicy—the kids wouldn’t touch it. To save the entire pot, I had no choice but to use some Costco canned tomatoes. As I cut open the can, my mind raced: “Oh, this is aluminum… There’s BPA, there’s toxins.” I poured them in, feeling like I was ruining the whole batch. That little bit of “imperfection” canceled out all the good I’d done. I literally wanted to throw the entire pot away because it wasn’t perfect anymore.

But then, I had a check in my head. I realized this mentality was creeping into so many areas of my life—it wasn’t completely rational. My identity as a mom wasn’t tied to perfection; it’s a journey. It’s about love, intentionality with our kids, and giving them (and ourselves) room to grow. That moment kickstarted my shift: We have the opportunity to expect the same grace for our kids that we need for ourselves.

I love this image: When your kid is learning to ride a bike, they pedal twice and fall over. You don’t shame them and say, “Oh, you ruined the whole lesson—never ride again!” You cheer them on: “Wow, great job trying! You’re doing amazing.” It’s not about mastering the bike instantly; it’s about the effort, the connectivity, being pushed, and celebrating the process. If we don’t celebrate ourselves and grow, how can we expect our kids to? That chili incident taught me to embrace progress over perfection, and it changed everything.

Old Mindset vs. New Mindset: The Shift Explained

Let’s break it down simply. The old mindset (perfectionism) says: “It has to be flawless, or it’s worthless.” This leads to anxiety, procrastination, and resentment—hello, burnout!

The new mindset (progress over perfection) flips it: “Good enough is great, and every step forward counts.” It focuses on growth, learning from “failures,” and modeling resilience for your kids. Result? Less stress, more wins, and a happier home. Studies confirm that parents who ditch perfectionistic concerns experience lower burnout and better emotional health [Source: Frontiers in Psychology, 2020].

3 Practical Tips to Embrace Progress

Ready to make the shift? Here are some actionable steps to get started. Start small—one tip at a time.

1. Set Realistic Goals with the 80/20 Rule: Aim for 80% effort on non-essentials (like that Pinterest-perfect lunch) and save full energy for what matters, like quality time. Next time you’re overwhelmed, ask: “What’s ‘good enough’ here?” It frees up mental space.
2. Practice Self-Compassion Mantras: When things go wrong, talk to yourself like a friend. Instead of “I messed up,” try “I’m doing my best, and that’s progress.” Repeat daily—maybe during your morning coffee. This rewires that inner critic.
3. Track Small Wins in a Journal: At the end of each day, jot down 3 things you did well, no matter how tiny (e.g., “Got everyone fed and hugged”). Over time, you’ll see patterns of growth, not gaps.

These aren’t just tips—they’re tools for stewardship. By progressing yourself, you’re teaching your kids it’s okay to try, fail, and grow.

Reflection Prompts: Your Progress Check-In

Building on our intro self-assessment, grab your journal and reflect:

• What ‘perfect mom’ expectations are weighing you down right now? (Be specific—like “always having a clean house.”)
• Recall a recent ‘failure’—how could you reframe it as progress? What did you learn?
• What small win from today can you celebrate? How does that feel compared to chasing perfection?
• How might embracing ‘good enough’ free up time for your passions or family? Tie it back to your core self from last week’s prompts.

These questions will help you internalize the shift. Share one in the comments—I’d love to hear!

Wrapping Up: Your Invitation to Progress

Moms, ditching the perfect myth isn’t about lowering standards—it’s about raising your joy. This shift has transformed my life, and it can yours too. Come with me on this journey of growth in motherhood, forgiveness, love, connectivity, community, and authentic mothering. Download my free “Progress Tracker PDF” here to log your wins and stay accountable.

What’s one perfectionist habit you’re ready to let go of? Drop it in the comments below, and subscribe for next week’s post: Shift 2—Self-Care Isn’t Selfish.

With progress and love,
-Marissa
P.S. If this resonated, share it with a mom friend who’s chasing perfect—we’re in this together!