There’s been a quiet, corrosive shift in our culture—and most of us didn’t even notice it happening. I didn’t either… until I started paying attention to the fruit.
It showed up in ways that seemed small at first—an eye-roll in a conversation, the tension in a family discussion, a social media post that instantly divided the room. But then I started to see the pattern emerge everywhere:
In church.
In the workplace.
At the grocery store checkout line.
In families.
In friendships.
In our homes.
This unspoken, adversarial mindset—the one that pits us against each other—has infiltrated every corner of our lives. And somehow, it’s become normal.
But here’s the truth: it’s not who we were made to be.
The Great Lie: That We Are Each Other’s Competition
At some point, culture convinced us that another person’s success is a threat. That if someone has a voice, it must silence ours. That someone else’s gift somehow makes ours smaller. That resources are scarce, love is limited, and there’s not enough to go around.
So we began to protect ourselves.
We built emotional walls.
We compared instead of celebrated.
We envied instead of honored.
We competed instead of collaborated.
And now, we’re reaping the fruit of it.
It looks like:
- Isolation instead of connection
- Poverty of heart, mind, and resources
- Victim mentalities that disempower us
- Mistrust in every interaction
- Stunted growth in families, businesses, and communities
We’ve unknowingly nurtured this mindset in our own homes and hearts. We’ve passed it on to our children in subtle ways—teaching them to strive instead of serve, to guard instead of give.
But What If That’s Not the Way It Was Meant to Be?
What if… we were never meant to live this way?
What if we were designed for something higher—something holier?
Something that looks like:
- Connection over comparison
- Collaboration over competition
- Honor over hierarchy
- Abundance over scarcity
- Power through unity, not control
We were created to be builders—not critics. Encouragers—not enemies. Powerful, creative, connected beings who lift each other up and multiply goodness wherever we go.
The Wake-Up Call: I’ve Seen It in Myself
I’ll be honest—this isn’t just a blog about them. It’s about me.
I’ve seen the adversarial mentality in myself.
That moment I flinched at someone else’s breakthrough.
That sting of comparison when someone else was celebrated.
That instinct to prove instead of partner.
That internal voice whispering, “You’re falling behind.”
I’ve had to confront those lies head-on and choose something better. I’ve had to train my heart to bless instead of bristle. To get excited for others, not intimidated by them. And it’s a daily decision.
So What Now? What Could It Look Like?
Imagine if we flipped the script.
What if women cheered each other on instead of quietly competing?
What if churches united around purpose instead of doctrine?
What if workplaces became teams instead of territories?
What if our children grew up seeing adults model humility, joy, collaboration, and a celebration of differences?
What if we learned to say:
- “Your win is my win.”
- “Your gift complements mine.”
- “Your strength inspires me.”
- “We’re better together.”
Let’s Build Something New
We are not victims of this culture. We’re culture-makers. Every word, every response, every act of generosity plants a seed in the soil of tomorrow.
We don’t have to inherit division.
We don’t have to echo envy.
We don’t have to perpetuate scarcity.
We can build a different future. One of mutual support, bold creativity, and collective power. One where no one walks alone, no dream dies in silence, and no voice is drowned out by fear.
Let’s refuse to be adversaries. Let’s choose to be allies.
Let’s build together.
Marissa Lauren 
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